The B Team Standard

Caregiving Idea #3: Meals

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Caregiving Idea #3: Meals

How often do you hear someone offer, “let me know if you need anything!” When times are tough, I hear it a lot. And I am sure I’ve spoken those words often enough myself. It’s the commitment-without-a-commitment offer. Genuine? Probably. Helpful? I’m not so sure.

Several years ago, we had a family emergency. I got the phone-call everyone dreads around 9am. Within an hour Evan and I had packed a bag, collected our toddler from day care, and we were on the way to the hospital. It was a looooooong day. By the time we got to my mom’s house that night, we were feeling so many things we had gone numb: exhausted, sad, overwhelmed — and most of all, hungry.

When we walked inside, flipped on the lights, and there it was — a selection of bags on the kitchen counter. Take away bags! There must have been enough food to feed 10 people: BBQ pork, cornbread, greens, pie, and a bottle of wine.

I texted my mom— where did this food come from? She didn’t seem nearly as surprised as I was. She told me that several friends know her garage door code, and someone must have dropped off dinner, knowing that we wouldn’t have time to cook.

Evan and I literally teared up with gratitude. We were so hungry and so tired we couldn’t even think straight. We didn’t have time to ask for help, we didn’t think about going through a drive-thru, and for sure we didn’t have time for a grocery run. Having food right there in front of us was exactly what we needed.

Ever since then, my mantra has been — don’t ask. Just do. If you like to cook, drop off a casserole. If you don’t, then grab take-away. If you’re not sure on timing, offer a gift card to Uber Eats. But just — do. When there is a crisis, or when someone is sick (hello, covid) don’t ask if someone needs something. Don’t wait for them to get back to you. Just assume they’re hungry and assume they don’t have time to think about food. I guarantee it’ll be appreciated.

In our case, it was a female friend who brought dinner. But any human can do this for any other human; dropping off dinner does not need to be a gendered gesture.

And it is easy to involve children of all genders in preparing a meal for someone else. Have them help cook, package, pick-up, drop-off, or even make a little homemade card to stick in the bag. Show kids how easy it is to put something together for someone else; explain how much it can mean.

Click here for Idea 4: Dietary Support.